Tag Archives: Perspective

82. Acceptance Under Fire

I ran across a post in my social media feed today, that I believe could benefit from some clarification. This is not the first instance I have witnessed acceptance under fire! It seems to be popping up a good bit lately, which tells me there is a need for acceptance to be better understood and more clearly defined.

Here’s the post in question:

“This movement to be comfortable with our bodies has made us comfortable with being sick.”
Dr. Garth Davis, M.D.
Weight Loss Surgeon

I can’t speak for anyone else, but this is an incredibly short-sighted statement, that shows there is little to no understanding of the purpose of fully accepting one’s self. Yes, I do understand that there will always be some who take anything to an extreme, but for the most part, this is not what being comfortable with our body means!

When I say I am comfortable with my body, with myself as a whole, it does not mean there is no room for improvement and I will then be content to stay exactly as I am. What it does mean is that I am where I am, and rather than shaming myself, or engaging in self-deprecating inner conversations and behavior, it’s far more effective to learn to treat myself lovingly instead.

Think about it this way… Would you better spend necessary time and attention caring for something you love, or something you hate? Most of those who have learned to be discontent with themselves and hate their body image, engage in some pretty sad and destructive behaviors. At what cost? This sick societal notion of “meeting the requirements” in the looks department has caused far more harm than good. The emotional toll and stressors have created an onslaught of depression, eating disorders, body image issues/dysmorphia, and much more, which has only exacerbated the problem.

Let’s ask the all important question… How effectively has feeling badly about ourselves produced positive results? Not at all! Perhaps we should try a different approach and consider loving ourselves for a bit instead? Let’s be clear, loving and accepting myself does not mean I now have permission to sit on the couch eating 13 pounds of donuts because anything goes and I love myself no matter what! That’s reckless behavior, to say the least. What it does mean is that thinking poorly about myself doesn’t change anything about my current position, and it doesn’t motivate me to make any positive changes. Yet, it does encourage hopelessness and a overwhelmedness that often leads to shut down and a big bag of chips, rather than inspiring me to have a healthy meal and go to the gym!

This journey of self acceptance has been incredibly personal for me over these last 2 years.  I am speaking from personal experience, as well as professionally. I have struggled with weight for the majority of my adult life, as have many of my clients. Some of that had clear medical implications, while a good bit was also steeped in underlying emotional turmoil.

On and off for 15+ years, I sporadically engaged in diet and exercise regimes that rarely produced the outcomes I sought. In the last year, there have been 2 specific things that have led to healthy reduction in my weight, healthy eating and lifestyle, and a regular exercise routine. They were correctly addressing some underlying medical issues, but equally and frankly more importantly, addressing the internal, underlying emotional issues and false beliefs that had been ingrained about myself, my physical appearance, my value, and my worth!

So what has that accomplished, you might ask? For starters, I lost 50 pounds that the most vigorous of routines was unable to touch prior, and it’s continuing to fall! More importantly, because I now accept and love myself fully, exactly where I am, and I recognize my incredible intrinsic value and worth, I am willing and wanting to invest time and energy into my health and wellbeing BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT!

In the past, all of my efforts were geared toward meeting specific goals to please others and find acceptance, something I no longer really care much about. When we finally find ourselves in a position where we truly dig who we are, accepting all our awesomeness and flaws combined, we then are willing to extend life-changing efforts on our own behalf, because it contributes to our health, growth, and expansion, and makes us feel even better! Judgment is removed from the equation, both our own and that of others, and a healthy view of life unfolds in front of us, offering a virtual cafeteria of opportunities for continued growth and improvement that we want to willingly engage in! Funny how that happens, huh?

Do I still have some progress yet to be made? Absolutely! I don’t believe we ever fully arrive! There’s always something we can improve on. The difference now is that I no longer look at what currently is in a bad light. Does my weight, my complexion, my choice in clothes, or any other external means of measurement change who I am or what my value as an individual is? Absolutely NOT! If someone thinks so, that’s their issue, not mine, because I ROCK, and love who I am and I’m continuing to become on a daily basis!

Learn to love and accept yourself EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE! Then watch how showing true loving care to yourself in all areas (physically, emotionally, spiritually, and energetically) will begin to transform EVERY area of your life, not just your physical body! We are miraculous creatures, wonderfully and amazingly made, and once we begin to see ourselves through the correct lenses, watch out world!

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

79. Defending My Beliefs

Perception is a fascinating thing! I used to believe everything I knew to be true was unquestionably so, and I was willing to go to the ends of the earth defending my beliefs. My how things have changed! I still have incredibly strong beliefs and convictions, yet how I process that information is so very different!

In the past, as someone presented their perspective, I was busy formulating my argument to crush the opposition and prove why I was correct. I was highly skilled in debate and rarely lost an argument. My mother said I missed my calling as a defense attorney! Yes, a bit of ego resided there, but I could more appropriately call it a huge dose of fear and cognitive dissonance, as if all I believed crumbled, where would that leave me? Certainly not in a place of safety or feeling secure.

The difference now is that I listen to all sides and perspectives judiciously. Weighing heavily all information against what I currently believe to be true. I consider everything. What I’ve found is sometimes my perspective is correct, many times it may be partially correct but in need of adjustment, but sometimes it’s just flat wrong and needs to be completely shifted.

My greatest obstacle to growth was the belief I was right. By being open to other possibilities, I unlocked the door to expansion I never could have imagined. By simply saying it was possible that I could be wrong, therefore it was in my best interest to listen and discern, I began to change, and without a doubt for the better.

My greatest lessons have taught me that the more I learn, the more I realize I know very little and am far better served by listening intently, rather than speaking. I forget that at times, but it’s never long before I’m quickly reminded. I pray that I always remain in a state of possibility, willing to look at and consider everything presented, before discarding anything from the place of me knowing better.

We are all here to love, encourage, support, and teach one another. May we ALWAYS be open to each of these as we journey forward.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

77. Finding Clarity In The Muddy Waters

Very few things disrupt our lives the way volatile, reactive emotions can. Let’s face it, we have all found ourselves in that place before, where our emotional reactivity has gotten the better of us, and logic seems nowhere to be found. It can be overwhelming, embarrassing, and at times even all-encompassing. Finding clarity in the muddy waters of emotional turmoil can be challenging, yet it’s necessary if we are to maintain balance in our daily lives.

Lao Tzu said, “Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.” This is such an important concept, as when we are in the midst of turbulence, the emotional debris within is constantly being shaken. Unless we can pull away, quiet our emotional chatter, and allow things to settle, it will be difficult to find any semblance of clarity.

Quieting our mind typically requires removing ourselves from the epicenter of the storm, where whipping winds keep all the bits and pieces in a flurried, agitated state. Stepping away from the tempest and distancing ourselves to a place where we can observe the disruption, without being directly affected by the winds, allows the debris to settle. It is only then we can make an adequate assessment and determine a proper course of action.

Far too often we attempt to appraise and mitigate our situation while still in the midst of the storm. That would be like sending in an insurance adjuster to determine the amount of damage and payout to an area while the tornado is still on the ground. It isn’t until the system has passed, all the detritus has settled, and the environment is once again stable, that the adjuster can correctly determine what caused the damage, how to begin recovery, and the resources needed to accomplish that goal.

Our personal lives are no different. When we find ourselves in murky waters, making the conscious choice to stay within and ride out devastating emotional storms, rather than retreating to a place of safe observation, sets the stage for far greater damage. Emotional chatter and resistance are often what accompany these rocky rides, continuing to fuel upheaval and keeping our world spinning out of control.

When our minds are reeling, we are incapable of identifying logical solutions to our problems. It isn’t until we withdraw to a place of stillness and quiet that we can adequately see things from an outside perspective, void of emotional entanglement. It is here the true reckoning begins, lessons can be recognized and understood, healing can transpire, and growth and expansion occur.

So what exactly does removing ourselves from the storm entail? Quite simply, it means temporarily removing ourselves from whatever is fueling our discomfort, until clarity and a healthy course of action can be determined. That might mean holding off on a major life decision, or taking a vacation or leave of absence from an unhealthy environment such as work, school, social media, or an activity. Sometimes we need to temporarily distance ourselves from an individual or group of people who are impacting us emotionally, until things can settle and become clear.

Another important factor is getting adequate sleep. Sleep and mood are closely connected. A lack of sleep contributes notably to irritability, increased stress, and anxiety. Once again, logic seems to go out the window when sleep deprivation is present. Sleep is also rest from our resistance. When we’re sleeping, there’s a ceasing of the chatter that accompanies resistant thoughts.

Not all that long ago, I found myself sleeping an inordinate amount. There was an accompanying sense of guilt, as I had a growing list of things I should have been doing instead. I was under more stress than usual and was exhausted from the cerebral calisthenics I was getting caught up in on a daily basis. (See anything wrong with this picture?) I can remember lying on my bed one evening, fighting my urge to sleep. I clearly heard the following instructions, “Stop fighting and sleep. When you are sleeping, you are not resisting me and I can accomplish far more when you’re in this state.” MIND BLOWN! I recognized at that moment that sleep was not the enemy, but rather a very useful tool that played a significant role in my ability to process without resistance. To this day, when I feel the need to sleep, I do so, no questions asked.

Perspective is everything, and our perspective changes dramatically depending on where we are standing. As I take a necessary step back and consider some of my more recent emotional storms, I’m thankful that I’m finding clarity, proper perspective, and healthy way forward that lends to greater depth and understanding of both myself, and those I interact with.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby