Tag Archives: Judgment

82. Acceptance Under Fire


I ran across a post in my social media feed today, that I believe could benefit from some clarification. This is not the first instance I have witnessed acceptance under fire! It seems to be popping up a good bit lately, which tells me there is a need for acceptance to be better understood and more clearly defined.

Here’s the post in question:

“This movement to be comfortable with our bodies has made us comfortable with being sick.”
Dr. Garth Davis, M.D.
Weight Loss Surgeon

I can’t speak for anyone else, but this is an incredibly short-sighted statement, that shows there is little to no understanding of the purpose of fully accepting one’s self. Yes, I do understand that there will always be some who take anything to an extreme, but for the most part, this is not what being comfortable with our body means!

When I say I am comfortable with my body, with myself as a whole, it does not mean there is no room for improvement and I will then be content to stay exactly as I am. What it does mean is that I am where I am, and rather than shaming myself, or engaging in self-deprecating inner conversations and behavior, it’s far more effective to learn to treat myself lovingly instead.

Think about it this way… Would you better spend necessary time and attention caring for something you love, or something you hate? Most of those who have learned to be discontent with themselves and hate their body image, engage in some pretty sad and destructive behaviors. At what cost? This sick societal notion of “meeting the requirements” in the looks department has caused far more harm than good. The emotional toll and stressors have created an onslaught of depression, eating disorders, body image issues/dysmorphia, and much more, which has only exacerbated the problem.

Let’s ask the all important question… How effectively has feeling badly about ourselves produced positive results? Not at all! Perhaps we should try a different approach and consider loving ourselves for a bit instead? Let’s be clear, loving and accepting myself does not mean I now have permission to sit on the couch eating 13 pounds of donuts because anything goes and I love myself no matter what! That’s reckless behavior, to say the least. What it does mean is that thinking poorly about myself doesn’t change anything about my current position, and it doesn’t motivate me to make any positive changes. Yet, it does encourage hopelessness and a overwhelmedness that often leads to shut down and a big bag of chips, rather than inspiring me to have a healthy meal and go to the gym!

This journey of self acceptance has been incredibly personal for me over these last 2 years.  I am speaking from personal experience, as well as professionally. I have struggled with weight for the majority of my adult life, as have many of my clients. Some of that had clear medical implications, while a good bit was also steeped in underlying emotional turmoil.

On and off for 15+ years, I sporadically engaged in diet and exercise regimes that rarely produced the outcomes I sought. In the last year, there have been 2 specific things that have led to healthy reduction in my weight, healthy eating and lifestyle, and a regular exercise routine. They were correctly addressing some underlying medical issues, but equally and frankly more importantly, addressing the internal, underlying emotional issues and false beliefs that had been ingrained about myself, my physical appearance, my value, and my worth!

So what has that accomplished, you might ask? For starters, I lost 50 pounds that the most vigorous of routines was unable to touch prior, and it’s continuing to fall! More importantly, because I now accept and love myself fully, exactly where I am, and I recognize my incredible intrinsic value and worth, I am willing and wanting to invest time and energy into my health and wellbeing BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT!

In the past, all of my efforts were geared toward meeting specific goals to please others and find acceptance, something I no longer really care much about. When we finally find ourselves in a position where we truly dig who we are, accepting all our awesomeness and flaws combined, we then are willing to extend life-changing efforts on our own behalf, because it contributes to our health, growth, and expansion, and makes us feel even better! Judgment is removed from the equation, both our own and that of others, and a healthy view of life unfolds in front of us, offering a virtual cafeteria of opportunities for continued growth and improvement that we want to willingly engage in! Funny how that happens, huh?

Do I still have some progress yet to be made? Absolutely! I don’t believe we ever fully arrive! There’s always something we can improve on. The difference now is that I no longer look at what currently is in a bad light. Does my weight, my complexion, my choice in clothes, or any other external means of measurement change who I am or what my value as an individual is? Absolutely NOT! If someone thinks so, that’s their issue, not mine, because I ROCK, and love who I am and I’m continuing to become on a daily basis!

Learn to love and accept yourself EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE! Then watch how showing true loving care to yourself in all areas (physically, emotionally, spiritually, and energetically) will begin to transform EVERY area of your life, not just your physical body! We are miraculous creatures, wonderfully and amazingly made, and once we begin to see ourselves through the correct lenses, watch out world!

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

80. We Cannot Do This Alone, Nor Were We Ever Intended To

Here’s my latest observation in my own life, though I can’t speak for others. In the midst of our deepest struggles, we have a tendency to pull away in fear and isolate, not recognizing that the deepest camaraderie we hold with select others, is what encourages and supports us when we are not in a place to correctly support ourselves. We cannot do this alone, nor were we ever intended to.

It is the choice of the ego/mind to isolate, protecting our vulnerability and keeping our deepest secrets and fears hidden (this is shame, though it is falsely masked as strength). Only ego/mind entreats us to handle our issues alone, with a false narrative of safety and courageous strength!

The greatest courage is found in vulnerability and the willingness to let others partake in the sharing of our heavy load, where energy and strength can be imparted by another, when ours has waned. We are never alone in our struggles. Though we often feel very solitary, there are so many others who face our same battles, and we are here to love, support, encourage, and lend strength to one another, without judgment! That is our greatest gift and purpose!

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

 

68. I Love You, But…

I love you, but…
You’re so beautiful, but…
You have such an amazing heart, but…
You are so freaking smart, but…
You get me like no one else does, but…
You’re such an amazing friend, but…

The first part of each of these are such uplifting, encouraging, affirming statements that each of us would like to hear on a regular basis from those in our lives, to be reminded we matter, have value, and make a difference in this world we live in. Yes, it’s true, that we should come to a place where we don’t “need” affirmations from others to determine our value and worth. That’s really an inside job and a necessary one at that. However, even the most secure among us is deeply moved and greatly encouraged when sincere recognition of our positive attributes are acknowledged, appreciated, and shared with us. It’s something we should all have the pleasure of experiencing on a regular basis, if we are surrounded by those who truly care and love us unconditionally.

And then there’s the dreaded word… BUT! There are few words so small in stature, that can deflate a heart so quickly and cut so deeply. It’s the equivalent of making a deposit, with full knowledge we  intend to rob the bank afterwards. There’s this rather distorted theory that’s been floating around for ages, that if we have something unpleasant to say to someone, sandwich it between positive statements to lessen the sting. While there is some truth to making sure we accentuate the positive as well as being truthful about the areas that need improvement, this is not the way to accomplish it. Doing them simultaneously does nothing more than pillage any value that could have been gleaned from the commendation. In all truth, statements such as these serve no purpose other than to make the one speaking them feel better about the potential hurt they may have just inflicted. It’s damage control at its best, and it’s more about the comfort of the speaker than that of the receiver.

Anytime the word “BUT” is used after a positive statement, it completely negates what was just said. It takes what should have been spoken individually and received as an admiration, and riddles it with the haze of  inadequacy and judgment. Why is it that we often only think to issue positive statements when we have a criticism to follow, or we want to lessen the blow of an upcoming behavior we are about to engage in? In truth, if we honestly care about the building up of others and the state of their being, we will be acknowledging them often and with no qualifying comments or following judgments.

It is in building authentic, vulnerable, and trusting relationships that we garner the rights to sincerely voice our opinions and concerns. In any valued relationship, we are to uplift one another continually and consistently, encouraging one another to good works. When there is a strong history of support, affirmation, and encouragement, we then have the requisite to share potential areas of improvement. We don’t need to do so by sandwiching the difficult with platitudes, we do so by softly enveloping the uncomfortable with truth,  understanding, wisdom, and a great covering of genuine love. The addition of disingenuous positive attributes does not pave the way for the acceptance of criticism or dismissive excuses for the behaviors to come.

I propose each of us to take great pause prior to using the word “BUT” when a compliment is being rendered. Encouragement and admiration should always stand on their own. I’m also asking each of us to make a concerted effort to look for the good in others, and regularly remind them why they are so unique, amazing, and greatly needed. The deposits we make in these “encouragement accounts” of others are the words that will comfort them on difficult days, when they question their being, their purpose, and their value to others. It is often when those accounts are bankrupt that we lose beautiful souls. I’m asking you now to ensure a deposit is made into the account of everyone you encounter today. Just one, simple, positive statement, reassuring them of their value, with no “BUT” added.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby