Tag Archives: Fear

80. We Cannot Do This Alone, Nor Were We Ever Intended To

Here’s my latest observation in my own life, though I can’t speak for others. In the midst of our deepest struggles, we have a tendency to pull away in fear and isolate, not recognizing that the deepest camaraderie we hold with select others, is what encourages and supports us when we are not in a place to correctly support ourselves. We cannot do this alone, nor were we ever intended to.

It is the choice of the ego/mind to isolate, protecting our vulnerability and keeping our deepest secrets and fears hidden (this is shame, though it is falsely masked as strength). Only ego/mind entreats us to handle our issues alone, with a false narrative of safety and courageous strength!

The greatest courage is found in vulnerability and the willingness to let others partake in the sharing of our heavy load, where energy and strength can be imparted by another, when ours has waned. We are never alone in our struggles. Though we often feel very solitary, there are so many others who face our same battles, and we are here to love, support, encourage, and lend strength to one another, without judgment! That is our greatest gift and purpose!

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

 

71. Learning To Close The Door – An Exercise In Intimacy

What’s Necessary To Build And Sustain Intimacy?

One of the greatest tragedies I see today is an inadequate understanding of what’s necessary to not only build, but also sustain intimacy in relationships. The nurturing of relationships often comes last in terms of priority. Couples are regularly inundated with busy work schedules, demanding financial pressures, juggling the responsibilities of children, and running a household. When the obligations of the day have been met, there is little to no time or energy left for stoking the fires that lead to the consuming flames of passion and communion, designed to be experienced within this relational bond. If partnerships are to thrive, it’s critical that boundaries are set, and proactive steps are taken to insure the necessary alone time to journey through this vulnerable, unlimited expanse of both emotional and physical intimacy.

Learning To Close The Door

One of the most important steps couples can take to build intimacy is learning to close the door. What that means is having a consistent, sacred time set aside. Once the couple crosses over the threshold of the bedroom and closes that door behind them, the outside world temporarily ceases to exist. There are no conversations of work, school, children, or life outside this moment. What takes precedence are the deep soul discussions, whispered from a place of longing to profoundly understand their partner, and disintegrate any potential barriers that create disconnection or separation.

Diving Into The Depths Of One Another

Until the conclusion of this hallowed time, there are no external interruptions, no kids knocking on doors, no phone calls, no distractions. Mom and Dad simply cease to exist, and the couple is afforded the opportunity to dive deeply into the depths of one another, on all levels, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, without the distractions or intrusion of the outside world. This is where the deepest of friendships are forged, and where the white-hot fires of passion burn away all obstacles that stand in the path of complete surrender to one another.

Paving The Way To Greater Understanding

Once the door is closed and the dance begins, trust, transparency, and the safety to engage in total emotional nakedness is what paves the way to greater understanding of fears and desires, profound connection, and the deep, physical intimacy most have only dreamed about. That level of all-consuming physical intimacy can only be achieved when the ego has been abated, and both individuals are willing to keep their hearts fully open, as they venture unguarded through emotional areas that need to be discussed, exposed, and healed.

The Rules Of Engagement

The rules of engagement are simple… all masks must be removed and left outside the door, along with any perceptions or judgments, so that unconditional love and acceptance may abound. When one can look at their partner, knowing their deepest, darkest secrets can be exposed with no judgment, and no change in the level of love and affection, fear is extinguished.

Fear Drives Emotional Closure

Fear is often a driving force in our need to remain emotionally closed, which significantly limits intimacy. Once trust is established and fear of exposure is no longer an issue, this allows for the release and healing of deep wounds that have remained buried  below the surface for fear of exposure and  rejection. Once healed and released, growth and expansion freely happen, which in turn fosters greater emotional understanding.

Imagine the levels of intimacy possible when there is no longer any anxiety or concern about disapproval or rebuff. The increase of gratitude, passion, and affection towards one who knows our every ill and yet chooses to selflessly love us anyway is intensified exponentially.

Committing To Consistently Close The Door

True unconditional love pursues that which nurtures, grows, heals, edifies, and ministers to the needs of the beloved. If couples can commit to consistently close the door, spend the necessary time honestly communicating their deepest hopes, dreams, needs, desires, beliefs, and fears, while completely surrendering to one another emotionally and physically, there are literally no limits to the extent and intensity such a degree of love can experience.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

67. Walking Into The Places We Fear

As children, our hopes, our dreams were mountains to be climbed and conquered. Not knowing any better, never once did we stop to evaluate all that could potentially hold us back or do us harm. Instead, in our lacking experience and naiveté, we focused solely on capturing the flag at the summit’s peak. The excitement of the journey and the conquest kept us fixated on the prize, and able to push through anything that got in our way, without the need to analyze or understand it first.

What we never thought twice about in those earlier years, seems now to holds us prisoner, as experiences of pain and fear paralyze our progress and we remain powerless in our restraints. Our thoughts hold us captive, as we consider the agonizing possibilities that could await us. Days have turned into weeks, and weeks into years, as we’ve watched time pass by the place where we have remained anxiously suspended.

The flame that once burned brightly within, powerfully driving our engine, has dulled to a flickering ember that we guard carefully. As an act of preservation, we hold our breath and carefully build walls, deep and high, around our sacred ember; protecting it from any sudden, unexpected burst of wind that could endanger its longevity and render it extinct. All the while, not recognizing that a fresh breath of air is the very thing needed to fan our ember once again to a consuming flame.

If we’re quiet, and we listen carefully, we can still hear the faint cry of our fading dreams, beckoning for attention and pleading for action. What we often choose instead is noise and busyness in our place of stagnation, to drown out and help us forget those amazing journeys we’ve fearfully elected to ignore.

Our anxious thoughts cry out that there’s safety in dormancy, for if we never venture, we never risk injury or pain. Yet, our unfulfilled, discontented hearts grieve and yearn for so much more, as do the lives of those who lie waiting; those we were supposed to have touched along our path, but never encountered, as we chose the refuge of solitude instead.

We are being called now to go courageously walking into the places we fear. At first glance, these dark, imposing regions overcome our senses with trepidation. Yet, we are being reminded that within our hearts is a bright beacon, able to illuminate any dark spaces we find ourselves within, so our path remains clear and visible. Quiet those raging thoughts, sweet soul. Breathe deeply and know that all darkness and fear is dispelled when brought into the light. We are being summoned to renew our dreams and purpose, even in the face of uncertainty, knowing what lies beyond is far greater than any discomfort we may encounter along the way, and we’ve been given all we need to move forward fearlessly.

The very safety we have been seeking has itself become our dungeon. Instead, breathe in the beauty, expansion, and wisdom gained by journeying forward. It pours over our being as a healing balm, mending the wounds of our past and sealing our future fate with courage, strength, and fortitude. Understand that to remain stagnant is to withhold our own healing and that of others we are meant to reach. It is in facing our fears and stepping forward that we become healed and whole.

Choose this day to walk forward in your light, rendering darkness and fear incapable, and accomplishing that which was set before us to carry out. Know that we are loved and supported fully. All we need to complete the journey ahead of us has already been provided, and will be present as the need arises. Our only task is to allow our light to shine in the darkness and engage the steps that need to be taken this day. Set the thoughts and worries of tomorrow to rest, knowing a way is always made. It is in this space that the miraculous unfolds.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

55. Living With No Resistance And No Attachment

no-resistance

 

To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being a certain way, good or bad. ~Eckhart Tolle

We Have A Choice In How We Choose To Respond

Learning to live with no resistance is challenging to say the least. Yet, it’s a skill I intend to continue working towards mastering. Every single day, situations occur in our lives that trigger emotional responses. We have a choice in how we choose to respond. Our head is often the first in line in terms of reactivity, constantly advising us to close off our hearts, build highly reinforced walls, and protect from pain. Sabotage is typically the order of the day, as if we pull away from and damage relationships or situations ourselves, we no longer have to worry about pain at the hands of another.

Choosing Safety And Protection Over Love And Light

When we create resistance to the circumstances in our lives, those protective behaviors keep us from experiencing the grace, ease, and lightness that could so easily be our gifts. The very things we long for are often shuffled away by our own hand, as we choose safety and protection over love and light. I choose to turn away from the reactivity of the mind, and remain fully open, no matter the risk.

Our Hearts Carry The Voice We Should Be Heeding

Our hearts carry the inner voice we should be heeding. The heart beckons us to remain vulnerable and open. Even in discomfort and with risk of potential pain, the heart knows that to fully love and be in a state of ease, we must be laid bare and release perceptions and judgment, which are often finite, faulty, and solely credited to the protective mind.

It Is In Attachment That Fear Becomes Our Master

How does one go about remaining open and not closing off the heart, when fear of impending pain strikes swiftly? It is in attachment that fear becomes our master. The head is ruled by fear, the heart by love. In allowing ourselves to love unconditionally no matter what, while releasing any attachment to outcomes, we are able to engage the highest form of love and disengage the role of the fearful mind. The moment we judge good or bad, safe or risky, we conditionally tie our willingness to love to potential risk and outcomes. This produces nothing but discomfort, fear, and anxiety, which often precipitate damaging, reactive behaviors.

What Is Our Inner Dialog Saying?

It is in recognizing our inner dialog, whether coming from a place of fear (head) or love (heart), that we begin identifying what is ruling us. We can then begin implementing strategies to shift away from the protective mind, and to the always open and loving heart.

When The Heart Leads, The Mind Is Relaxed

In the book, “The Heartmath Solution,” we learn that when we allow our hearts to lead, our minds become more relaxed and anxiety actually decreases. It’s quite the opposite from what the fearful mind continually warns us.  Our mind is constantly reinforcing false beliefs that cause us to want to remain in an isolated, protective mode.

Releasing Others From Responsibility

It is only through doing the deep, internal soul work, that we are led to a place of understanding that only we are responsible for our own happiness, contentment, and feelings of being complete. We can then release others from these responsibilities and any sense of attachment. In doing so, we allow ourselves to love fully, with hearts wide open, maintaining complete vulnerability, and releasing the fears that attend the belief others have a say in our happiness and outcomes. Others can certainly accompany us along our journey and add immeasurably to our quality of life, yet the choice of whether or not to be happy resides with us alone.

Are We Acting In Love, Or Reacting In Fear?

There are only 2 forces at work in this universe… love and a lack thereof. The next time we feel ourselves shutting down or closing off in the face of potential fears, we need to stop and ask, “Are we acting in love, or reacting in fear?” It’s important to recognize that when we truly act in unconditional love, with no attachments and no expectations, there is nothing we stand to lose and our heart can only expand. It is only when expectations fail, that we become disappointed, wounded, and pained. I choose unconditional love, and when fear does pop up from time to time, I choose to dismiss it and love unconditionally and fiercely anyway.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

53. The Wind Of Change

winds-of-changeThere is a strong breeze blowing
No doubt the wind of change
A stirring deep within my soul
My heart it feels so strange
For deep inside me brewing
Breaking forth from walls and fear
A desire such I’ve never known
A passion I hold dear
Stepping into authenticity
Shedding all that is untrue
Releasing all pretenses
Letting go of points of view
That have kept me as a prisoner
In this darkened cell of mine
As I step now beyond these walls
I know this is my time
To begin a brand new chapter
And with fear behind me now
I walk with trust and confidence
Even though not knowing how
All the pieces fit together
I yet trust there is a plan
And if by chance fear should arise
I know you’ll take my hand
And continue walking with me
As together come what may
There is nothing that we cannot do
No force within our way
That a bond like this can’t conquer
So I welcome now the wind
In humility and gratitude
Steadfastly til the end

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby