Tag Archives: Ego

75. Our Own Inner Surrender

This has been an extremely difficult part of the journey for me. The truth is, living this level of intensity will devour any of us if we don’t surrender. I am what I am and nothing more, which is perfect imperfection and all that I need. The illusion that I need anything outside myself is what has held me, and so many others, prisoner. I am still learning surrender.

When we deal with, heal, and therefore quiet our inner wounds, we no longer “need” to soothe them with outside pursuits. When we fully surrender, we can then rightly love that which is outside, without “needing to” in order to pacify and appease our aching soul, as our soul is already at peace. This is perfectly surrendered, unconditional love, as we love by choice, not by need, and that love has no boundaries. It is only here the fires of passion and true intimacy can beautifully and fully consume us.

Until we do the inner soul work, we can never “fully” become our emotionally naked, authentic self, which is required for the vulnerability and depths of intimacy we were designed to experience. Our own inner surrender has to happen BEFORE we have the true ability to surrender anything external. We exhaust so much of our energy “trying to surrender” the external things, when the inside surrender has not yet been accomplished. This is one of the reasons the lessons keep coming around again and again. Focus on the internal first, then all else falls into place with grace and ease. Focus on the external first, the battles of the mind will ravage your heart, mind, and soul.

One of the greatest stories our ego often tells us is that the inner work is already done, that we have fully surrendered, and we are already completely emotionally naked and vulnerable. This is often not the case. If so, the fruits of that work will be visible. The mind will be quieted, the soul peaceful, the inner knowing, contentment, and confidence will shine from within as a bright beacon. One of the most difficult parts of our journey is being honest and fully objective with ourselves, as the conscious ego has an amazing way of convincing us we have completed the work that often has not yet even begun. Understandable, as its main role is that of protection from pain and discomfort, at any cost.

The mind alone cannot be trusted in the affairs of the soul. The consistency of the combination of our thoughts, actions, and reactivity (or lack thereof), always tell the tale with time. Do not be deceived by what the mind, in isolation, tries to convince us of. The fruits of internal surrender will be visible in all areas. It is only when we have learned the skill of internal surrender, that we can then surrender to the external things that are holding us captive and keeping us from experiencing life, love, and passion, as it was designed.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

73. Silence And The Softening Of My Rough Edges

This has been a rather humbling week, and necessarily so! It’s been my experience that when I’m made aware of corrections I need to implement in my life, I’m only given grace to continue in those behaviors for so long before there’s a reckoning. This was one of those weeks and two of my recurring lessons of late have been the softening of my rough edges and the awareness of my need for more silence.

My tears stream freely as it’s not an easy post to write. That’s generally the case when I’ve been given a clear glimpse of myself from the outside perspective. It’s rarely pretty, but quite necessary I’m finding, if I want to learn to truly set myself aside, so love has an opportunity to work through me.

I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with a close friend about the words we speak, the opinions we hold, and that more often than not, much more can be accomplished in our silence than in espousing our self-perceived wisdom. There are so many times I feel there are important things that must be fully articulated for the benefit of another. Though my heart is genuinely wanting to help others, much of that can come from a place of ego, which often hinders more than it assists. There’s a very fine line between something we are being led to say, and something we want or feel driven to say. That’s the lesson I’m learning now, and that discernment doesn’t come easy for a lover of words.

I’m learning that more often what is needed is a willing ear to listen, and my silence in response. Humility is a virtue and being a friend involves far more listening than speaking. My input or advice should not be given unless is specifically asked for, and even then, my words should be succinct. So often others pour out their souls because they are in pain and are seeking comfort. Listening, offering a hug, holding a hand, and letting others know we are there for them, are some of the greatest gifts we can offer. Unsolicited advice can shut down, further depress, and feel like judgment to those in the depths of their dark night of the soul. That is the last thing in the world I want to inflict upon another.

Each new lesson I learn is like a surgical knife, cutting away a few more of my rough edges, and prayerfully smoothing over very sharp perimeter that can unknowingly irritate, and in some cases, greatly wound others. I’m watching myself be shaped and molded into a better version of myself, and I’m thankful, both for my own benefit, and that of those I encounter.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby