All posts by Laura Lum Corby

80. We Cannot Do This Alone, Nor Were We Ever Intended To

Here’s my latest observation in my own life, though I can’t speak for others. In the midst of our deepest struggles, we have a tendency to pull away in fear and isolate, not recognizing that the deepest camaraderie we hold with select others, is what encourages and supports us when we are not in a place to correctly support ourselves. We cannot do this alone, nor were we ever intended to.

It is the choice of the ego/mind to isolate, protecting our vulnerability and keeping our deepest secrets and fears hidden (this is shame, though it is falsely masked as strength). Only ego/mind entreats us to handle our issues alone, with a false narrative of safety and courageous strength!

The greatest courage is found in vulnerability and the willingness to let others partake in the sharing of our heavy load, where energy and strength can be imparted by another, when ours has waned. We are never alone in our struggles. Though we often feel very solitary, there are so many others who face our same battles, and we are here to love, support, encourage, and lend strength to one another, without judgment! That is our greatest gift and purpose!

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

 

79. Defending My Beliefs

Perception is a fascinating thing! I used to believe everything I knew to be true was unquestionably so, and I was willing to go to the ends of the earth defending my beliefs. My how things have changed! I still have incredibly strong beliefs and convictions, yet how I process that information is so very different!

In the past, as someone presented their perspective, I was busy formulating my argument to crush the opposition and prove why I was correct. I was highly skilled in debate and rarely lost an argument. My mother said I missed my calling as a defense attorney! Yes, a bit of ego resided there, but I could more appropriately call it a huge dose of fear and cognitive dissonance, as if all I believed crumbled, where would that leave me? Certainly not in a place of safety or feeling secure.

The difference now is that I listen to all sides and perspectives judiciously. Weighing heavily all information against what I currently believe to be true. I consider everything. What I’ve found is sometimes my perspective is correct, many times it may be partially correct but in need of adjustment, but sometimes it’s just flat wrong and needs to be completely shifted.

My greatest obstacle to growth was the belief I was right. By being open to other possibilities, I unlocked the door to expansion I never could have imagined. By simply saying it was possible that I could be wrong, therefore it was in my best interest to listen and discern, I began to change, and without a doubt for the better.

My greatest lessons have taught me that the more I learn, the more I realize I know very little and am far better served by listening intently, rather than speaking. I forget that at times, but it’s never long before I’m quickly reminded. I pray that I always remain in a state of possibility, willing to look at and consider everything presented, before discarding anything from the place of me knowing better.

We are all here to love, encourage, support, and teach one another. May we ALWAYS be open to each of these as we journey forward.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

78. Protecting From Further Pain

We have to get better at how we treat other people. Lives matter. Words matter. Emotions matter and are valid, even when they’re not understood or agreed with. Most people are going through life simply protecting from further pain. Yet, when we encounter a less than stellar situation with another, how often do we really pursue the underlying pain of their perspective?

We only see what others allow us to see and we never really know all the devastation that has gone on in another’s life behind the scenes. There’s always more to a story than we know and have been made privy to. Even so, it’s far easier to cut losses when things get uncomfortable, than it is to do the work necessary to understand another. In our fast-moving society, that’s just not the easiest path of least resistance. As common slang would say, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” Yet investing this time and effort is the very thing that builds the incredible depths of relationship most say they struggle to find.

Hurting people don’t always make the best decisions, as logic isn’t always present when pain is full throttle. More often it’s adrenaline driven and what seems necessary at the time to protect from further wounding. After all, that’s our conscious mind’s greatest role… doing whatever is necessary to protect us from discomfort. When we truly begin to understand that, not only does forgiveness become easier, but compassion blossoms and spills out onto the walking wounded, which in turn helps in the process of those souls healing.

What is needed is love, compassion, grace, understanding, and support. What they need to know is that there is someone out there, no matter what, that loves them and cares enough to engage them, even when they are not their most lovable. Unconditional love is so rare these days. The easiest thing to do is bail and walk away. Don’t be that person.

Seek to understand before judging. Even better, seek to understand and don’t judge at all. Every one of us has pain we are hiding from the world. Some are just better at hiding it than others. The right thing to do is love hard, ask questions, listen intently, & be there. Just that alone can make all the difference in the world to someone who feels lost, alone, and in pain. Most suffer in silence. We may not always be able to eliminate their pain, but we can at least ensure they are not alone as they walk through it. This often very dark world needs many more willing to be love, light, and the voice of compassion.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

77. Finding Clarity In The Muddy Waters

Very few things disrupt our lives the way volatile, reactive emotions can. Let’s face it, we have all found ourselves in that place before, where our emotional reactivity has gotten the better of us, and logic seems nowhere to be found. It can be overwhelming, embarrassing, and at times even all-encompassing. Finding clarity in the muddy waters of emotional turmoil can be challenging, yet it’s necessary if we are to maintain balance in our daily lives.

Lao Tzu said, “Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.” This is such an important concept, as when we are in the midst of turbulence, the emotional debris within is constantly being shaken. Unless we can pull away, quiet our emotional chatter, and allow things to settle, it will be difficult to find any semblance of clarity.

Quieting our mind typically requires removing ourselves from the epicenter of the storm, where whipping winds keep all the bits and pieces in a flurried, agitated state. Stepping away from the tempest and distancing ourselves to a place where we can observe the disruption, without being directly affected by the winds, allows the debris to settle. It is only then we can make an adequate assessment and determine a proper course of action.

Far too often we attempt to appraise and mitigate our situation while still in the midst of the storm. That would be like sending in an insurance adjuster to determine the amount of damage and payout to an area while the tornado is still on the ground. It isn’t until the system has passed, all the detritus has settled, and the environment is once again stable, that the adjuster can correctly determine what caused the damage, how to begin recovery, and the resources needed to accomplish that goal.

Our personal lives are no different. When we find ourselves in murky waters, making the conscious choice to stay within and ride out devastating emotional storms, rather than retreating to a place of safe observation, sets the stage for far greater damage. Emotional chatter and resistance are often what accompany these rocky rides, continuing to fuel upheaval and keeping our world spinning out of control.

When our minds are reeling, we are incapable of identifying logical solutions to our problems. It isn’t until we withdraw to a place of stillness and quiet that we can adequately see things from an outside perspective, void of emotional entanglement. It is here the true reckoning begins, lessons can be recognized and understood, healing can transpire, and growth and expansion occur.

So what exactly does removing ourselves from the storm entail? Quite simply, it means temporarily removing ourselves from whatever is fueling our discomfort, until clarity and a healthy course of action can be determined. That might mean holding off on a major life decision, or taking a vacation or leave of absence from an unhealthy environment such as work, school, social media, or an activity. Sometimes we need to temporarily distance ourselves from an individual or group of people who are impacting us emotionally, until things can settle and become clear.

Another important factor is getting adequate sleep. Sleep and mood are closely connected. A lack of sleep contributes notably to irritability, increased stress, and anxiety. Once again, logic seems to go out the window when sleep deprivation is present. Sleep is also rest from our resistance. When we’re sleeping, there’s a ceasing of the chatter that accompanies resistant thoughts.

Not all that long ago, I found myself sleeping an inordinate amount. There was an accompanying sense of guilt, as I had a growing list of things I should have been doing instead. I was under more stress than usual and was exhausted from the cerebral calisthenics I was getting caught up in on a daily basis. (See anything wrong with this picture?) I can remember lying on my bed one evening, fighting my urge to sleep. I clearly heard the following instructions, “Stop fighting and sleep. When you are sleeping, you are not resisting me and I can accomplish far more when you’re in this state.” MIND BLOWN! I recognized at that moment that sleep was not the enemy, but rather a very useful tool that played a significant role in my ability to process without resistance. To this day, when I feel the need to sleep, I do so, no questions asked.

Perspective is everything, and our perspective changes dramatically depending on where we are standing. As I take a necessary step back and consider some of my more recent emotional storms, I’m thankful that I’m finding clarity, proper perspective, and healthy way forward that lends to greater depth and understanding of both myself, and those I interact with.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

76. May The Force No Longer Be With Me

Anything That Needs To Be Forced Is Not In My Best Interest

I’ve come to a conclusion over these past few weeks. May the force no longer be with me, as anything that needs to be forced is not in my best interest. As I’ve gone through one of the most transitional periods of my life over these last 2 years, one rather unhealthy theme has shown itself again and again. That of impatiently forcing circumstances and decisions, when clarity and peace were absent.

Critical Information Often Changes Our Decisions

What is it that pushes us to make snap decisions in lieu of clarity and peace? Sometimes I often wonder if it’s not just making a decision, even if it’s the wrong one, just to be done with it and move on. Yet, I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I have made an untimely decision, only to find if I had waited just a bit longer, I would have had critical information that would have changed my decision significantly, if not all together. Ignoring my inner prompting to wait and making decisions when I do not have all the pertinent information is not wise, and typically results in consequences I end up paying a hefty price for. Even knowing that, impatience often wins.

Pain And Discomfort Often Fuels Forceful Decisions

I’ve caught myself, even in these last couple of weeks, vacillating significantly over a major life change. One moment my mind is made up, then the next, caution arises summoning me to hold off until more information is available. I believe my pain and discomfort often fuels those forceful decisions, as seeking relief will lead us places we might not consider otherwise. Yet,  I know my intuition well enough to heed the warnings that create pause. The stubborn part of me wants to just push through and make whatever needs to happen take place. And yes, I could, for all practical purposes, push myself hard enough to make the necessary things happen. However, I’m beginning to realize we place insane amounts of unnecessary stress upon ourselves, forcing a hand that may never have been intended to play. What’s the hurry? If something is meant to be, will it not still be there 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 years later? Timing is everything and my experience has taught me that pushing the hand of time can be detrimental in so many cases. The most perfect of situations played out in the wrong timing can be quite devastating.

Make Decisions From A Place Of Informed Peace

I believe that I am far better making decisions from a place of informed peace, not haphazard forcefulness driven by discomfort. Let me be very clear, that does not mean putting off necessary decisions because of fear and allowing things to linger in an unhealthy, unsettled state because we cannot handle the thought of change. That is a completely different issue. This is specifically allowing the information and time to unfold in a way that clarity and peace follow the decision. That doesn’t mean there will be no fear. One can have great peace about a decision, knowing it’s the right choice, and yet be fearful of the unknowns involved with change. That’s simply life, and fear is something that does generally need to be pushed through, as it can stop us from making decisions we truly should engage.

Let Trust And Faith Rule

So where does that leave me? It leaves me in a place of trust and faith. Trust that the information needed will unfold in the correct time, as it always has when I am patient enough to wait. Also, faith that if it’s something important and necessary in my life and I happen to “miss the boat” this time around, it will surface again when the time is right. There is no amount of rushing and forcefulness worth the stress it causes, nor the joy of life that is choked from our existence when the pressure and repercussions of snap decisions bear down.

Take Your Next Step When You Can Do So In Peace

For today, I am keenly aware change is brewing. I am not only willing, but ready to make the changes necessary to bring my life into alignment with my calling and purpose. However, I am not in any hurry to force those changes to take place. Today I am patient and contented, as I wait for the remaining pieces of necessary information that will bring the clarity and peace that are currently missing. I don’t have to know the whole path, I only need to know my next step. That next step should be taken in peace though, not in a hurried and questionable fashion.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

75. Our Own Inner Surrender

This has been an extremely difficult part of the journey for me. The truth is, living this level of intensity will devour any of us if we don’t surrender. I am what I am and nothing more, which is perfect imperfection and all that I need. The illusion that I need anything outside myself is what has held me, and so many others, prisoner. I am still learning surrender.

When we deal with, heal, and therefore quiet our inner wounds, we no longer “need” to soothe them with outside pursuits. When we fully surrender, we can then rightly love that which is outside, without “needing to” in order to pacify and appease our aching soul, as our soul is already at peace. This is perfectly surrendered, unconditional love, as we love by choice, not by need, and that love has no boundaries. It is only here the fires of passion and true intimacy can beautifully and fully consume us.

Until we do the inner soul work, we can never “fully” become our emotionally naked, authentic self, which is required for the vulnerability and depths of intimacy we were designed to experience. Our own inner surrender has to happen BEFORE we have the true ability to surrender anything external. We exhaust so much of our energy “trying to surrender” the external things, when the inside surrender has not yet been accomplished. This is one of the reasons the lessons keep coming around again and again. Focus on the internal first, then all else falls into place with grace and ease. Focus on the external first, the battles of the mind will ravage your heart, mind, and soul.

One of the greatest stories our ego often tells us is that the inner work is already done, that we have fully surrendered, and we are already completely emotionally naked and vulnerable. This is often not the case. If so, the fruits of that work will be visible. The mind will be quieted, the soul peaceful, the inner knowing, contentment, and confidence will shine from within as a bright beacon. One of the most difficult parts of our journey is being honest and fully objective with ourselves, as the conscious ego has an amazing way of convincing us we have completed the work that often has not yet even begun. Understandable, as its main role is that of protection from pain and discomfort, at any cost.

The mind alone cannot be trusted in the affairs of the soul. The consistency of the combination of our thoughts, actions, and reactivity (or lack thereof), always tell the tale with time. Do not be deceived by what the mind, in isolation, tries to convince us of. The fruits of internal surrender will be visible in all areas. It is only when we have learned the skill of internal surrender, that we can then surrender to the external things that are holding us captive and keeping us from experiencing life, love, and passion, as it was designed.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby