What’s Necessary To Build And Sustain Intimacy?
One of the greatest tragedies I see today is an inadequate understanding of what’s necessary to not only build, but also sustain intimacy in relationships. The nurturing of relationships often comes last in terms of priority. Couples are regularly inundated with busy work schedules, demanding financial pressures, juggling the responsibilities of children, and running a household. When the obligations of the day have been met, there is little to no time or energy left for stoking the fires that lead to the consuming flames of passion and communion, designed to be experienced within this relational bond. If partnerships are to thrive, it’s critical that boundaries are set, and proactive steps are taken to insure the necessary alone time to journey through this vulnerable, unlimited expanse of both emotional and physical intimacy.
Learning To Close The Door
One of the most important steps couples can take to build intimacy is learning to close the door. What that means is having a consistent, sacred time set aside. Once the couple crosses over the threshold of the bedroom and closes that door behind them, the outside world temporarily ceases to exist. There are no conversations of work, school, children, or life outside this moment. What takes precedence are the deep soul discussions, whispered from a place of longing to profoundly understand their partner, and disintegrate any potential barriers that create disconnection or separation.
Diving Into The Depths Of One Another
Until the conclusion of this hallowed time, there are no external interruptions, no kids knocking on doors, no phone calls, no distractions. Mom and Dad simply cease to exist, and the couple is afforded the opportunity to dive deeply into the depths of one another, on all levels, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, without the distractions or intrusion of the outside world. This is where the deepest of friendships are forged, and where the white-hot fires of passion burn away all obstacles that stand in the path of complete surrender to one another.
Paving The Way To Greater Understanding
Once the door is closed and the dance begins, trust, transparency, and the safety to engage in total emotional nakedness is what paves the way to greater understanding of fears and desires, profound connection, and the deep, physical intimacy most have only dreamed about. That level of all-consuming physical intimacy can only be achieved when the ego has been abated, and both individuals are willing to keep their hearts fully open, as they venture unguarded through emotional areas that need to be discussed, exposed, and healed.
The Rules Of Engagement
The rules of engagement are simple… all masks must be removed and left outside the door, along with any perceptions or judgments, so that unconditional love and acceptance may abound. When one can look at their partner, knowing their deepest, darkest secrets can be exposed with no judgment, and no change in the level of love and affection, fear is extinguished.
Fear Drives Emotional Closure
Fear is often a driving force in our need to remain emotionally closed, which significantly limits intimacy. Once trust is established and fear of exposure is no longer an issue, this allows for the release and healing of deep wounds that have remained buried below the surface for fear of exposure and rejection. Once healed and released, growth and expansion freely happen, which in turn fosters greater emotional understanding.
Imagine the levels of intimacy possible when there is no longer any anxiety or concern about disapproval or rebuff. The increase of gratitude, passion, and affection towards one who knows our every ill and yet chooses to selflessly love us anyway is intensified exponentially.
Committing To Consistently Close The Door
True unconditional love pursues that which nurtures, grows, heals, edifies, and ministers to the needs of the beloved. If couples can commit to consistently close the door, spend the necessary time honestly communicating their deepest hopes, dreams, needs, desires, beliefs, and fears, while completely surrendering to one another emotionally and physically, there are literally no limits to the extent and intensity such a degree of love can experience.
Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby
Also published on Medium.