50. What If? A Phrase That Can Work For You, Or Against You!

what-ifThis picture espouses such a misunderstood concept! In a nutshell, all that’s being said here is that which we struggle with and fight against just grows stronger! What we resist, persists. The more energy we feed into something, the stronger it gets. Whether that’s a positive or negative situation, it’s how we perceive and respond to things that determines which way the energy and our emotions will go! I shared this with a friend recently and one of the examples I used is written below! I hope this can help you clearly see what this concept is really all about!

Let’s say you have a business partnership, and you are having major issues with the partner, that are negatively impacting the business. The finances are dismal to say the least, which only adds to an already difficult situation. You’re not seeing eye to eye on anything at the moment, communication is horrible, and tension and emotions are flaring. You feel misunderstood, hurt, and as if you’re not being heard. You’re frustrated, somewhat angry, confused, and every cell is screaming at you to get the heck out of dodge as fast as you can, cut ties with this stressful person and situation, and don’t look back.

You feel intense pressure from within to make a move and relieve all this discomfort… and fast. All you know is that you’re very unhappy and your situation with your partner seems to be what’s fueling everything, so eliminating that “source of stress” appears to be the most expedient course of action.

But wait a moment… Could it really be avoidance?

Sources of stress can be an interesting topic all on their own, as no one can really “make” us feel anything that we don’t allow. Anytime we are feeling discomfort, it’s coming from within. Granted, there may be external situations that are being used as a mirror or trigger to highlight the problem and bring it to our attention, but it’s always to redirect focus to the inward problem. It’s never about what’s going on externally. Conversely, it’s always about the unresolved internal issues that need to be brought into the light to be healed and released.

This can be a tough sell to those who are stuck in the role of external blame. The conscious mind is highly adept at projecting the core of our problems onto others, keeping us safely at a distance from having to take a hard look at our own internal messes and any subsequent disquiet that might cause. What results is people leaving jobs, ending relationships, moving to a new state, or other such behaviors to rid themselves of the “source of stress”, when in actuality, they are doing no such thing. I kind of chuckle as I make this next statement, but wherever you go… there you are! If we are the true source of all our internal issues, and we are, running away from an external situation may provide some immediate relief, as our stress may temporarily reduce. Yet, what we know is that until the underlying, core internal issue is resolved, new situations will arise in our new location to once again trigger those problems and bring them to the surface. Avoiding the discomfort doesn’t really solve anything, it simply postpones it to once again resurface at a later date.

The questions we really need to be considering are:

What if the discomfort is there to teach you something about yourself that needs to be revealed and dealt with?

What if the difficulties you are experiencing are actually you, in the process of purging areas from your life that are no longer serving you, and releasing these areas will result in a higher vibration?

What if you are not meant to leave the situation, but to experience the discomfort and release it, so you can move through this circumstance and on up to a place of greater understanding that would take your situation and your relationships to a higher level, as well as heal the breaches?

I usually tell people “what ifs” can hang us if we’re not careful, but that’s because “what ifs” are usually considered in the negative sense. What if I fail? What if I look like an idiot? What if I get hurt? These are all “what ifs” that have a significantly negative effect on our life.

On the flip side, there are some positive “what ifs” that we should be asking every day, so we don’t miss those important and life-changing lessons we have the opportunity to learn from. These can lead us into greater dimensions of life we may not have thought were possible!

Thinking about the current situation (whatever that might be) from a place of dread, worry, confrontation, blame, and escape, will surely create a negative effect. But what if we changed how we think about that situation? What if we allowed ourselves to think about it in the framework of allowance, acceptance, feeling what’s happening (even if it’s not comfy), and just letting it be without feeling like we have to “do something” about it? What if by just accepting it, allowing it, and letting it go, we would be facilitating the process of dissipating the uncomfortable feelings, that then allow us to work through the problem unobstructed, allowing healing to take place?

It’s important that I point out this is not always the correct measure of action. If you’re working with someone embezzling money and conducting illegal business practices, cut ties and get out ASAP! That’s not really what I’m trying to convey here though. I’m simply talking about the emotional responses we work ourselves into when we begin feeling disdain and dissatisfaction in our daily lives and with those we consistently interact with. We convince ourselves it’s far easier to cut and run, than to do the often unpleasant work necessary to move forward and beyond a problem.

Both examples are referring to the same situation at hand, only one is looking from a very negative and reactionary standpoint of wanting avoidance and seeking comfort in the quickest means possible. The other is looking from a very positive perspective, considering what good and positive growth could possibly be at work here. It’s learning to control the direction of your thoughts, no matter what’s happening, to reflect a potential positive outcome, rather than defaulting to the negative programming we usually go to in autopilot, that almost always creates negative, reactive behaviors!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I know anyone who has arrived to a point where they can do this 100% of the time, but what if you could even do it 50% of the time, or even 25% of the time? Think of the changes you could experience in your life and levels of stress by just considering if there could be something positive at work amidst the chaos! (And by the way, there usually is! Hindsight typically shows us that!)

It’s OK to have a rough patch! It’s ok to experience some negative feelings about things! You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t! I don’t care who you are, everyone experiences negativity at times. The question really is, will you allow yourself to ruminate on negative emotions, feeding them with your energy and attention, which just allows them to grow larger, or will you choose to consider what else could positively come from the situation, begin asking what you might need to learn from this encounter, and go the positive route? It’s really all about perspective, and that perspective is always your choice! Choose wisely so every opportunity to grow and expand can be identified and utilized. Just remember, if you bail, you’re simply postponing your own healing and you will have to experience the discomfort in the future, when it gets brought up again! Why not nip it in the bud now?

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby


Also published on Medium.

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