26. Disassociating With Pain

painWe Have A Choice To Make    

I’ve made a choice. It’s the very same choice we all have the ability to make, yet we don’t always realize it’s an option available to us! In my case, and often in others as well, once we learn we have this choice, we still don’t choose to make it! We fall back on old habits and fear, as sometimes the comforts of dysfunction and sameness are so much easier than making the choice to change things that will without doubt shake our world to the core. This is what keeps us frozen in our sadness & discontent! What’s this earth-shattering choice, you might ask? It’s the choice of living my true identity! Now that might not sound like a very serious choice, but it’s a lot more involved than you might think!


Being Over Identified With Pain


As a very emotionally, sensory, and energy sensitive individual, I’ve had my share of trauma and drama! Some of the difficulties came by my own hand, some definitely by the hands of others. The role of victim comes to mind, and often even martyr, as I had taken my life’s experiences to heart and claimed them as part of who I am, a rite of passage, if you will. Being over-identified with pain and trauma had set the stage for me to continue in similar pursuits, often even seeing these great difficulties as a badge of honor, and my role in this life. Experiencing tremendous amounts of emotional pain and feeling continually let down by myself and others, presented a pretty interesting canvas, on which colorful images were birthed, and added to my long litany of hurtful adventures. Somehow there was identity found in this. These beliefs and behaviors also kept me very locked in the past, sharing my old stories of victimhood with those who would listen, finding camaraderie with the walking wounded, who I often found just further drained me.


Pain Is Not A Requirement To Empathize With Others


Inevitably, something wonderful, miraculous, and often profound would come from these woes! As a writer, I began to see what I identified as a very clear calling coming from these endeavors. Through my pain, I was able to write and share insights, as well as encouragements for others who were likewise struggling. Interestingly enough, the effects it had on others were pretty amazing. I was so lifted by seeing the spirits of others touched and encouraged at such a deep level, that it brought me temporary reprieve from my own pain, yet somehow what applied to everyone else never really seemed to apply to me! I had wrongly identified that pain & disappointment were necessary for me to carry forth my purpose of encouraging others through writing. I mean after all, how could I possibly identify with those in pain if I wasn’t constantly in it, right?


I’ve always been a bubbly, life of the party kind of girl! Very childlike in my enthusiasm and passion, & one of the first to jump on the silly train, should it ever pass by! What I began to realize was that I had become increasingly serious, intense, & expecting of woe, much more so than my former playful self! I had also stopped following through on things that had great potential for joy and fulfillment in my life. Perhaps this was a self-inflicting sentence, insuring much more misery, so I never ran dry of new material? Who knows, but one thing for sure, IT WAS NOT HEALTHY!


Necessary Changes In Perspective

I’ve had a fairly recent jolt of awakening! When I say jolt, I actually think that might be a rather mild word, not quite adequate to describe the shift of thinking and perception that has been taking place in this noggin of mine! I’ve been given the great gift of being able to pull back from myself and look from a distance at what I choose to engage in and how it affects me, as well as others in my environment. Perspective changes are an interesting thing! For the first time, I was finally seeing that we don’t have to sacrifice ourselves to pain & disappointment to connect in a very meaningful & intense way with others, in order to be of great hope & encouragement to them. Now that might sound like common sense to some, but for me, this was a huge revelation! Many of us, myself included, have so aligned & identified with the past pain in our lives, it was defining who we were, rather than something just being an experience that happened to us.


Springing Forth Into The Newness Of Life Today


What this means to me, and millions of others just like me, is that we can lay our stories of victimhood down. We can leave behind the pain, suffering, & difficulties, as well as the emotional traumas that come with them, and begin to experience joy in our lives once again! YAY! We have been given a tremendous choice, and it’s up to us to decide if we will continue to walk in the shadows of yesterday’s pain, or spring forth in the newness of life today, full of hope, wonder, passion, and yes, even pleasure, that has always been just around the corner for us, if we would just recognize the choice and make it!


Choosing To Embrace Hope, Joy, And Passion

So, my choice has been made! You know the saying, “Today is the first day of the rest of my life!” Well today, that is truer than it ever has been! I choose my very own, personal, true identity in life! Not an old identity forged from the crumbs of yuckiness past, but a beautiful identity of truth, and purpose, and long standing faith, that has proven yet once again that I am not alone and there is great purpose for me, as well as happiness, IF I CHOOSE TO EMBRACE IT!   I choose hope, joy, passion, wonder, amazement, and yet still intend to use my writing in powerful ways to benefit those around me, but equally as important, because it makes me feel AWESOME and it’s something that makes me happy!


Love and Light!

Laura Lum Corby 🙂

Also published on Medium.

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