Monthly Archives: January 2017

75. Our Own Inner Surrender

This has been an extremely difficult part of the journey for me. The truth is, living this level of intensity will devour any of us if we don’t surrender. I am what I am and nothing more, which is perfect imperfection and all that I need. The illusion that I need anything outside myself is what has held me, and so many others, prisoner. I am still learning surrender.

When we deal with, heal, and therefore quiet our inner wounds, we no longer “need” to soothe them with outside pursuits. When we fully surrender, we can then rightly love that which is outside, without “needing to” in order to pacify and appease our aching soul, as our soul is already at peace. This is perfectly surrendered, unconditional love, as we love by choice, not by need, and that love has no boundaries. It is only here the fires of passion and true intimacy can beautifully and fully consume us.

Until we do the inner soul work, we can never “fully” become our emotionally naked, authentic self, which is required for the vulnerability and depths of intimacy we were designed to experience. Our own inner surrender has to happen BEFORE we have the true ability to surrender anything external. We exhaust so much of our energy “trying to surrender” the external things, when the inside surrender has not yet been accomplished. This is one of the reasons the lessons keep coming around again and again. Focus on the internal first, then all else falls into place with grace and ease. Focus on the external first, the battles of the mind will ravage your heart, mind, and soul.

One of the greatest stories our ego often tells us is that the inner work is already done, that we have fully surrendered, and we are already completely emotionally naked and vulnerable. This is often not the case. If so, the fruits of that work will be visible. The mind will be quieted, the soul peaceful, the inner knowing, contentment, and confidence will shine from within as a bright beacon. One of the most difficult parts of our journey is being honest and fully objective with ourselves, as the conscious ego has an amazing way of convincing us we have completed the work that often has not yet even begun. Understandable, as its main role is that of protection from pain and discomfort, at any cost.

The mind alone cannot be trusted in the affairs of the soul. The consistency of the combination of our thoughts, actions, and reactivity (or lack thereof), always tell the tale with time. Do not be deceived by what the mind, in isolation, tries to convince us of. The fruits of internal surrender will be visible in all areas. It is only when we have learned the skill of internal surrender, that we can then surrender to the external things that are holding us captive and keeping us from experiencing life, love, and passion, as it was designed.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

74. Dealing With Those Who Turn Away From Help

I’ve been learning some valuable lessons over the past couple of years, but one that shows itself time and again is dealing with those who turn away from help! It’s especially hard when something is presented that can completely eliminate the problems an individual is experiencing, is offered freely – no strings attached, yet they choose to dismiss it. I frequently wonder why individuals are drawn into my life, asking questions they really don’t want answers to, but I recognize there’s always much more to it than what we see on the surface.

What often happens, as our frequency increases and we grow, is those who are struggling are drawn to the light within us. They are seeking ways to address their own issues and pain, and the light within is warm, welcoming, and offers hope. As we learn and grow more, our frequency continues to rise.

Any time our frequency makes significant expansion, it can create issues with the people around us. Those in our environment must either rise to match the new frequency, or they will sabotage to get away from it, as it’s far too uncomfortable and revealing for them. It’s like taking a very bright light into a darkened room. There may initially be a welcoming of the light in the “main” areas, but when their favorite “darkened corners” become lit up, there is massive discomfort, as many things prefer to remain hidden in the shadows. That discomfort can appear in many different forms such as anger, withdrawal, excuses, lying, and all kinds of sabotage.

The bottom line is this… we are called to walk in the love, light, and frequency we have, with the understanding we are to continue in our own growth. It’s our duty to share the light we have, yet how others choose to respond to that light has absolutely nothing to do with us and is not our responsibility. It’s about the lens they currently view life through. Until they do the work to raise their own frequency and address their own inner emotional issues and soul work, that lens of perception will not change, nor can we force that to happen.

Many will choose to turn away from the very assistance they need, as the discomfort and vulnerability factor is far more than can be tolerated at the frequency they reside within. Our role at that point is to honor their journey, even if it’s painful to us when a relationship becomes stressed or is ended. The not knowing about unresolved issues is something that’s unbelievably hard, especially when relationships are close, as we want what’s best, but we cannot walk anyone’s road for them, as much as we’d often like to.

What I’ve learned is that there’s also a second group, who thrive on complaining about their problems and victimhood, and to alleviate their issues would take away from that attention. Quite often they are not even aware they are engaging in this behavior, yet they have been conditioned to receive encouragement and support in response to their tragic woes. For some, this is the only way they have learned to obtain any semblance of love and care from others.

My lesson has been to let it go! We cannot help individuals who are not ready, do not yet want to be helped, and are unwilling to take the steps necessary to help themselves! No one makes forward progress in their journey until they’ve arrived at the place that they’re wanting to do so. We can’t ever do it for them. They may not know how to move forward and may not have the necessary skills as of yet, but the want and willingness have to be there first, before the skills can be taught.

I want a lot of things, but until I’m willing to do what’s necessary to get them, nothing changes. Therefore, want and willingness must both be present. It’s also important to point out that sometimes the deepest of struggles are a necessary component in our journey. It has been some of my most difficult challenges that have made me who I am today and developed the skills necessary to step into my calling. This is true for us all.

I’ve had to learn to love from afar. What I mean by that is perhaps periodically calling or sending encouraging notes, while yet not being physically present. We have to remember that our frequency is also greatly impacted by those we choose to surround ourselves with. If we continually surround ourselves with those choosing to not address their issues, that negativity can begin to diminish our own vibration. This can be rather devastating in terms of both our own difficulties and growth.

We never stop loving those we care for, but we may have to do so from a distance. We must recognizing there are certain experiences they have not yet had, that will contribute to and prepare them to make the necessary decisions to move forward in their growth and health. That distance may be temporary or permanent. The best use of our energy is to love and hold space for them, until the time comes that they can step into that new space for themselves.

We have to come to a place where we can step outside ourselves, remember this is not personal, and recognize their journey for what it is, even if we don’t fully understand or agree with it. The bitterness, anger, or frustration we feel towards others usually arises because they are not meeting the expectations we have set for them, and therefore it’s causing pain and discomfort in our lives. When we can remove our expectations from that equation and look at them outside and devoid of our personal attachments, simply through the eyes of love, we no longer feel frustrated, angry or bitter, but rather have compassion, as we see their struggle and hope to see it resolved so they may find peace and healing.

To be good stewards of our time and resources, we need to focus our energy on those who have chosen to make forward progress (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), and with that, we can also celebrate the positive changes that unfold in those lives! Be discerning in where your time and energy are spent. There are untold millions who really do need and want our help. Focus on those!

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

73. Silence And The Softening Of My Rough Edges

This has been a rather humbling week, and necessarily so! It’s been my experience that when I’m made aware of corrections I need to implement in my life, I’m only given grace to continue in those behaviors for so long before there’s a reckoning. This was one of those weeks and two of my recurring lessons of late have been the softening of my rough edges and the awareness of my need for more silence.

My tears stream freely as it’s not an easy post to write. That’s generally the case when I’ve been given a clear glimpse of myself from the outside perspective. It’s rarely pretty, but quite necessary I’m finding, if I want to learn to truly set myself aside, so love has an opportunity to work through me.

I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with a close friend about the words we speak, the opinions we hold, and that more often than not, much more can be accomplished in our silence than in espousing our self-perceived wisdom. There are so many times I feel there are important things that must be fully articulated for the benefit of another. Though my heart is genuinely wanting to help others, much of that can come from a place of ego, which often hinders more than it assists. There’s a very fine line between something we are being led to say, and something we want or feel driven to say. That’s the lesson I’m learning now, and that discernment doesn’t come easy for a lover of words.

I’m learning that more often what is needed is a willing ear to listen, and my silence in response. Humility is a virtue and being a friend involves far more listening than speaking. My input or advice should not be given unless is specifically asked for, and even then, my words should be succinct. So often others pour out their souls because they are in pain and are seeking comfort. Listening, offering a hug, holding a hand, and letting others know we are there for them, are some of the greatest gifts we can offer. Unsolicited advice can shut down, further depress, and feel like judgment to those in the depths of their dark night of the soul. That is the last thing in the world I want to inflict upon another.

Each new lesson I learn is like a surgical knife, cutting away a few more of my rough edges, and prayerfully smoothing over very sharp perimeter that can unknowingly irritate, and in some cases, greatly wound others. I’m watching myself be shaped and molded into a better version of myself, and I’m thankful, both for my own benefit, and that of those I encounter.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby