Daily Archives: August 31, 2016

27. Solving Problems, One Emotion At A Time

problem solvingAs a health practitioner, I work with clients on a regular basis, addressing physical, emotional, spiritual, and energetic issues that interfere in one way or another with progress, growth, and overall satisfaction in life. These can cover a myriad of topics, which can make it difficult to whittle down into a small niche. I was asked three interesting questions today, that helped shine a light on the most sought after topics I encounter. I’m sharing both the questions and my answers, in hopes it might clarify the purpose of this blog and what I hope to bring to the table for you, the readers!

What are the most common issues people ask you about?

More often than not, individuals seek my assistance when they find themselves stuck and seemingly unable to determine what courses of action will change their state of unhappiness. It’s usually regarding chronic health conditions and/or uncomfortable emotions they experience but don’t fully understand how to identify, know how to process, or effectively release so they can finally heal. They often find themselves holding back in fear, unable to speak their minds or communicate their truth in the meaningful, transparent, and vulnerable ways necessary to create depth and meaning in life. Some things that can inhibit these are emotional wounds from childhood or adult life, traumatic experiences, low self esteem, false beliefs about who they are and their worth or value, fear-based worries about how they are perceived by others, fear about losing control, fear of being hurt again, rumination about the past (whether good or bad), and the self-sabotage they engage in that often keeps them stuck and unable to move past their present situations.

It’s also important to point out that chronic, physical illnesses are rooted in emotional and energetic imbalance in the body. Many that seek my assistance are struggling with chronic illnesses, and as we begin to address what’s happening on a physical level, this gives way to the emotional issues rising to the surface. It is often difficult, if not impossible, for individuals to physically heal without first addressing the core issues that created imbalance to begin with, and learning to change the thought and emotional processes so it doesn’t continue happening in the future. Quite often once the deep, emotional, internal soul work has been done, the physical symptoms abate.

What I find in much of today’s society is what I call a microwave mentality. Most want a quick fix, a purple pill, a magic bullet, or some lever to pull to immediately, magically transport them from their current uncomfortable state of being, to the life of their dreams. Without, of course, having to do any of that difficult, unpleasant, internal work necessary to get there. Unfortunately, that’s not realistic, yet that’s the common bill of goods we’re being sold. The popular intervention is just numbing the problem with medications, yet how’s that really working for us? As soon as the meds are stopped we’re right back at square one again, as nothing is really being addressed, nothing changes, we are just numbed to the point we don’t really care about it anymore… until we do. What becomes important is finding a way to navigate the necessary internal work, but in a supportive fashion, with grace and ease.

My personal journey of the last few years has been one of great introspection, evaluation, and healing. After being on medications for depression, anxiety, auto-immune, and other issues for close to 40 years, I decided to wean off the meds (under doctor supervision, of course), stop being numbed, and begin addressing the true underlying issues in both the heart and the mind. I’ve been 100% med free for some time now, and both the physical and emotional awakening journey have been intense, to say the least, but in a good way. Definitely some difficulties, but the benefits have far outweighed any negatives and I’ve allowed myself to freely feel and experience everything… the good, the bad, and the ugly! Healing can only come when we’re in a state of allowance to feel and experience what we are meant to, in order to fully release the emotions, trauma, and experiences. Our conscious minds do such a great job of trying to protect us from pain that they’re constantly sending the message to fight those uncomfortable feelings and just push that mess down, hide it deep, forget about it, and just move on. Only that never really works long term. Those ignored emotions are buoyant, and will continue to rise to the surface again and again until they are finally dealt with and fully released. We typically recognize these as triggers that happen throughout our day. External things that we experience or encounter that trigger some type of reactive emotional response or uncomfortable feelings within that bring out our less than stellar behaviors. That can be anything from irritation, anger, violence, yelling, lying, blaming, or sometimes withdrawing totally… all of which are protective behaviors engaged to immediately shut down whatever is creating the discomfort, rather than process it. Science and medicine have made a lucrative profit by selling the notion that if you’re unhappy, just take this little pill and everything will be just peachy! More and more are learning the hard way that those little pills come with a hefty price, both monetarily and physically/psychologically! In the end, there is no avoiding the deep internal work that must be done to find our own space of peace, joy, contentment, and satisfaction in life. I’m doing that work daily now, assisting others who are now on that journey or wanting to begin it, and sharing my experiences and insights with any interested in shining light in those dark places.

Is there a particular story you find yourself telling over and over?

I spent the majority of my life being crippled by what others thought about me. I specifically remember a time when I was practicing with an ensemble group I sang with at church. As we were practicing, there were two women at the other end of the room, quietly whispering to one another, as one of them glanced my way. Of course, my immediate, paranoid thought was that they were talking about me! In my mind, I created a virtual cafeteria of potential, critical conversations they could have been having, all revolving around ways that I was inadequate. Within a very short period of time, I had really worked myself up into a negative, defensive tizzy that was anything but conducive to uplifting singing! At the time, I lived in a space that was very negative, self conscious, defensive, and definitely coming from a place of inadequacy and unworthiness. The false beliefs and narratives I held about myself were the very things that tainted the perceptions I had about how others viewed at me. They were my own issues being projected onto the people around me. In hindsight, I giggle to myself now recognizing what was more likely happening was one lady leaned over to the other and quietly whispered, “Good God, I have a wedgie from hell and need to get this sorted before we get out on that stage!” I mean come on, who was I to think that I was so important everyone else was talking about me? One of the difficulties that comes with a very poor self esteem and significant inadequacy issues is that we become hyper vigilant in our self defensive focus. We are so engrossed in our own protection that we can’t really see what’s happening outside our little self-protective bubble. We’re so focused on the things we feel are inadequate about ourselves that we assign those beliefs to anyone who happens to glance our way. In most of these situations, nothing could be further from the truth. One of the beautiful freedoms that came from doing the necessary internal work and both learning about and loving who I authentically  was, is that I no longer determine my own value based on the opinions of others. That means their opinions of me no longer matter! YAY ME! That is a freedom I want every single person to be able to experience!

What terms or phrases do you find yourself consistently using again and again?

We have to do the deep internal soul work to bring about our healing.

Loving and accepting yourself unconditionally is necessary to find peace and contentment. It is only when we are totally content with ourselves, that the opinions of others no longer matter.

Pull back and view things as an observer, rather than a participant. Understanding that the way others behave has nothing to do with you and their reactions are based solely on their perception of life. Recognizing this is critical in learning to stop your own emotional reactivity. The way we react to others is all about our own beliefs and perceptions. The way others react is all about theirs. It’s not personal.

I hope these questions and answers shed a little light on both the focus of my blog and the heart I have for sharing my own experiences in ways that can touch the lives of others. At some point or another, almost everyone experiences these emotions and difficulties, it’s just rarely talked about in our daily circles. It’s time we started talking about them, understanding how to better navigate them, and finding clearer paths to happiness and fulfillment in our lives.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

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26. Disassociating With Pain

painWe Have A Choice To Make    


I’ve made a choice. It’s the very same choice we all have the ability to make, yet we don’t always realize it’s an option available to us! In my case, and often in others as well, once we learn we have this choice, we still don’t choose to make it! We fall back on old habits and fear, as sometimes the comforts of dysfunction and sameness are so much easier than making the choice to change things that will without doubt shake our world to the core. This is what keeps us frozen in our sadness & discontent! What’s this earth-shattering choice, you might ask? It’s the choice of living my true identity! Now that might not sound like a very serious choice, but it’s a lot more involved than you might think!

 

Being Over Identified With Pain

 

As a very emotionally, sensory, and energy sensitive individual, I’ve had my share of trauma and drama! Some of the difficulties came by my own hand, some definitely by the hands of others. The role of victim comes to mind, and often even martyr, as I had taken my life’s experiences to heart and claimed them as part of who I am, a rite of passage, if you will. Being over-identified with pain and trauma had set the stage for me to continue in similar pursuits, often even seeing these great difficulties as a badge of honor, and my role in this life. Experiencing tremendous amounts of emotional pain and feeling continually let down by myself and others, presented a pretty interesting canvas, on which colorful images were birthed, and added to my long litany of hurtful adventures. Somehow there was identity found in this. These beliefs and behaviors also kept me very locked in the past, sharing my old stories of victimhood with those who would listen, finding camaraderie with the walking wounded, who I often found just further drained me.

 

Pain Is Not A Requirement To Empathize With Others

 

Inevitably, something wonderful, miraculous, and often profound would come from these woes! As a writer, I began to see what I identified as a very clear calling coming from these endeavors. Through my pain, I was able to write and share insights, as well as encouragements for others who were likewise struggling. Interestingly enough, the effects it had on others were pretty amazing. I was so lifted by seeing the spirits of others touched and encouraged at such a deep level, that it brought me temporary reprieve from my own pain, yet somehow what applied to everyone else never really seemed to apply to me! I had wrongly identified that pain & disappointment were necessary for me to carry forth my purpose of encouraging others through writing. I mean after all, how could I possibly identify with those in pain if I wasn’t constantly in it, right?

 

I’ve always been a bubbly, life of the party kind of girl! Very childlike in my enthusiasm and passion, & one of the first to jump on the silly train, should it ever pass by! What I began to realize was that I had become increasingly serious, intense, & expecting of woe, much more so than my former playful self! I had also stopped following through on things that had great potential for joy and fulfillment in my life. Perhaps this was a self-inflicting sentence, insuring much more misery, so I never ran dry of new material? Who knows, but one thing for sure, IT WAS NOT HEALTHY!

 

Necessary Changes In Perspective

I’ve had a fairly recent jolt of awakening! When I say jolt, I actually think that might be a rather mild word, not quite adequate to describe the shift of thinking and perception that has been taking place in this noggin of mine! I’ve been given the great gift of being able to pull back from myself and look from a distance at what I choose to engage in and how it affects me, as well as others in my environment. Perspective changes are an interesting thing! For the first time, I was finally seeing that we don’t have to sacrifice ourselves to pain & disappointment to connect in a very meaningful & intense way with others, in order to be of great hope & encouragement to them. Now that might sound like common sense to some, but for me, this was a huge revelation! Many of us, myself included, have so aligned & identified with the past pain in our lives, it was defining who we were, rather than something just being an experience that happened to us.

 

Springing Forth Into The Newness Of Life Today

 

What this means to me, and millions of others just like me, is that we can lay our stories of victimhood down. We can leave behind the pain, suffering, & difficulties, as well as the emotional traumas that come with them, and begin to experience joy in our lives once again! YAY! We have been given a tremendous choice, and it’s up to us to decide if we will continue to walk in the shadows of yesterday’s pain, or spring forth in the newness of life today, full of hope, wonder, passion, and yes, even pleasure, that has always been just around the corner for us, if we would just recognize the choice and make it!

 

Choosing To Embrace Hope, Joy, And Passion

So, my choice has been made! You know the saying, “Today is the first day of the rest of my life!” Well today, that is truer than it ever has been! I choose my very own, personal, true identity in life! Not an old identity forged from the crumbs of yuckiness past, but a beautiful identity of truth, and purpose, and long standing faith, that has proven yet once again that I am not alone and there is great purpose for me, as well as happiness, IF I CHOOSE TO EMBRACE IT!   I choose hope, joy, passion, wonder, amazement, and yet still intend to use my writing in powerful ways to benefit those around me, but equally as important, because it makes me feel AWESOME and it’s something that makes me happy!

 

Love and Light!

Laura Lum Corby 🙂