Daily Archives: August 27, 2016

14. The Ups and Downs of Being Vulnerable

VulnerableWhy is it that so many perceive vulnerability as automatically resulting in a negative or painful outcome? Yes, we all have past pain that sends our conscious minds into protective mode, in a valiant effort to protect us from experiencing pain in the future. Human nature right? We default to control tactics and limiting beliefs to keep us in safe, known waters, so we don’t have to experience the discomfort of not knowing, and potentially exposing ourselves to hurting again. All these fear-based behaviors not only dramatically increase our stress and anxiety levels, but they actually prevent us from living vibrant, fulfilling lives! We become prisoners of our own fear and control mechanisms, though our ego mind much prefers to deceptively call it strength, stability, security, and fortitude. What if vulnerability, wading into unknown waters, actually resulted in far more positive outcomes such as growth, depth, expansion and greater understanding of core beliefs, shifts in perspective, and greater adaptability, which in turn reduced exposure to negative outcomes and pain to a far greater degree than avoidance?

The truth is, the willingness to be vulnerable, even in the face of fear, provides far more opportunity for benefit than negative outcome. If we were to seize these opportunities and chart the outcome data accordingly, we would find that yes, there may be some unpleasant experiences from time to time, but the awesome would far out weight the negative when looking at the whole. We must risk pain to find love, risk failure to find success, risk dissent to find our own views and perspectives. Everyday we walk out the door risking death in order to find life!

Fear so often keeps us from experiencing life-changing greatness. We all experience great, varying degrees of fear that cause us to hesitate in our pursuits. DO IT ANYWAY! We are far more likely to find that the vulnerability and fear we have been avoiding most of our lives is the very key that opens the door to depth, understanding, freedom, contentment and the vibrancy in life we may have envied in others from afar!

What is holding you back today and what is it keeping you from accomplishing?

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

13. We Can’t Help Everyone, Nor Should We Try!

empathyI’m constantly reminded of 2 things as I read this. First, the instructions from an airline carrier that if the cabin is to lose oxygen, it’s critical to put your own oxygen mask on before trying to assist another. Secondly, not everyone struggling wants to or should be helped!

As an empath and a healer, I am wired to want to help others heal in any way that I can. Resonating with and feeling the difficulties of others can be a strong motivating force to go beyond the call to assist another in pain or distress, yet it’s not always what we are called to do.

I’m sure you’ve all heard the story about the butterfly and the little boy who was concerned as he watched the butterfly struggle to emerge from his cocoon! The butterfly was struggling so intensely to break free that the boy ran to get scissors, cut a larger hole in the cocoon, which then allowed the butterfly to emerge quickly and with little to no resistance. What the boy didn’t realize until later was that his actions doomed the butterfly to a life of crawling around on the ground, with a swollen body and wings that didn’t work. Had he left the butterfly to his struggle, the difficult process of squeezing through this small opening in the cocoon was the very thing required to expel the fluid from the butterfly’s body and wings, allowing it the opportunity to fly unobstructed.

I find myself in this very position at times. There is such a tremendous desire to free others from their struggles, yet often our paths requires us traversing uncomfortable landscapes and emotional difficulties to bring us to an awareness of deep emotional, physical, and spiritual obstructions that are keeping us bloated, saturated, weighted down and unable to fly! Sometimes trying to bypass those necessary steps of struggling through to a place of acknowledgment, release, and healing of our own internal issues can do more harm than good.

There is no fast track, or bypassing of the necessary deep soul work that brings us to a place of resolution and peace. It takes time and honest effort. Hindsight has taught me everything happens as it should, on a timeline that it should for our highest good, and that often is not in sync with the finite timeline we often think things should happening within!

This brings about an important question, as a healer, I must ask every time I work with a client. What is my role supposed to be with this individual today and how can I best support them in whatever process they are dealing with? Sometimes that means helping to clear energetic emotional debris, so things can get moving again. Sometimes, that may mean assisting in raising their vibration & frequency so they can get to a clearer place of higher order thoughts and processing. Sometimes it means teaching them techniques to call into submission our unwieldy thoughts and ruminating states of mind. Sometimes it means creating boundaries in love, that prevent me from acting as an enabler, and place the owness back on the individual to do the necessary work they are avoiding and wanting me to OK. Sometimes it means deeply listening to the stories, to help them identify the core things that are keeping them stuck and bringing those items into the light. Many times, it’s a combination of all of the above and several other interventions I employ as well. Point being, it’s critical as a healer that I am sensitive to the appropriate role I need to be playing, which can significantly change each time we have a session, and maintaining a keen awareness that I am not overstepping my role, which can greatly impede their progress.

It’s also taken me many years to identify the importance of recognizing any role I play in the assistance of another can never become more important than my own balance, health, and wellness. Often healers and empaths have a martyr complex! I was guilty of this for years. I would help anyone and everyone with whatever the perceived need was, regardless of the cost to myself, which was often quite high, and there was a sense of guilt that followed if I didn’t, or set any boundaries that allowed for myself as a first priority. This is a highly unbalanced and unhealthy view, yet I see it very well and alive in many healers I still encounter. I don’t say that in judgment, but rather in understanding, as I lived from that place myself for many years. I have chosen to move into a different season now, as I recognize my wellness is paramount in assisting others and I choose to no longer sacrifice that for any reason.

Probably the most important lessons I have learned about being a healer and a very sensitive empath are that it’s critical I employ wisdom, discernment, and love from the place of the heart, not the mind, and that the strong emotions that often come with being an empath are not viewed outside the lens of these other three. I have also learned that shielding myself is highly important. Prior to understanding shielding, my clients would feel fantastic after a session, but I often felt like crap, as I took on their energetic chaos and was left with the aftermath, by my own unknowing hand. In incorporating this step, it now allows me to recognize and feel the issues of others, without taking those things on personally and becoming overwhelmed by the circumstances, emotions, and energy of another. This was probably one of my greatest AHA moments! Shielding provides the protection we need as sensitive empaths, while still allowing us to see deeply into the needs of another.

I love the work I do, and stepping into healthier principles of practice has enabled me to continue in my passion, without any longer feeling overwhelmed or shut down. I can still engage at the depths needed, yet be able to detach energetically and emotionally, so I no longer feel drained, but rather highly energized and excited about the shifts I’m seeing in clients that are no longer at my own expense! YAY! I hope there may be some of you out there who resonate with this and find this helpful in moving forward to a healthier place of empathetic engagement. Whether you practice as a professional, or are just walking through your daily life as an empath, these are things that can make a significant difference in your ability meet the needs of your calling to be a helper to others, without sacrificing your own sanity and wellness in the process!

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

12. What We Believe

beliefWhy does the EXACT same stimulus result in differing emotional reactions from person to person? The answer is belief! When something happens to us, what we BELIEVE about that event is what creates our emotional response & determines the behavior we react with. Understanding WHY we believe what we believe, determining whether or not those foundational beliefs are correct or incorrectly perceived, & clearing damaging false or negative beliefs is paramount if you want to live a peaceful life without constant triggering & reactivity! This is a large part of the work I do.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinions of the things that happen. ~Epictetus

10. Relinquishing Our History

HistoryThis spoke to me this morning. Relinquishing our history, dropping our old, negative stories is critical in moving forward. As long as we are tethered to our past, we are swimming against a fast moving current, a rip tide that continually exhausts us and sets the stage for drowning. Until we make the choice to swim parallel (to the shore) to a safe place outside the overwhelming current, we are in grave danger. The problem in this panicked state is even those who try to help rescue us from drowning can end up being victims, becoming swept up in the current themselves, and often even pulled down and drowned by the flailing swimmer. Move to a parallel place. Get out of the dangerous current. Then you can begin to swim to safety in calm waters. Set your devastating history aside. Relinquish your stories. It’s time to build new ones where the things of old no longer have a place in the narrative.

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby

9. Stuck In Circumstantial Victimhood

victimhoodI had a conversation today with someone that was struggling. Every aspect of their life seemed to be falling apart, and like sand falling from the fingers of a desperately grasping hand, and the harder they scrambled to manage and control the situation, the worse it seemed to get and the more defeated they felt. There was such a sadness present and a clear sense they had given up and resigned themselves to the decision there was nothing they could possibly do to resolve things, or their bottom of the barrel feelings and experience. Hopelessness abounded.

There’s something about that victim state that grossly impacts our perceptions and drops our frequency quickly, which in turn impacts our emotional state and renders the clarity necessary to process and release our struggles ineffective. Part of the reason we often can’t pull ourselves out of such a state is these lower vibrational frequencies do not allow for higher order frequency feelings and emotions simultaneously. In order to feel better, our frequency must rise first.

The desperation to replay things over and over in our minds until we figure out what we should have done or what we could do differently, the rumination of the critical moments that left us feeling powerless, and the need to blame someone or something for our current state of misery are just some of the many keys to recognizing we’ve traded our strength and confidence for a lesser feeling of powerlessness and being stuck in circumstantial victimhood. We even cleverly manage to convince ourselves victimhood is not a present issue, as our feelings are all quite justifiable, yet our repetitive, stuck behaviors scream otherwise.

We once again begin to step into our strength and begin raising our frequency by setting boundaries and making the challenging choice to no longer allow ourself to default to those negative thoughts and states. It’s a choice and it’s also takes effort & practice, as it’s far easier to just succumb to the negative. Every single time we begin thinking about something negative, we then have the choice to entertain that same line of destructive thought and allow it to expand, or challenge our auto-pilot thought process and correct those destructive false beliefs with truth, which is that we are far stronger than we have ever thought possible and there is always a way, we just can’t always see it from where we stand! Perspective and timing are both crucial pieces in things working out, and often we just have to stand on higher ground to get a better view of the layout of the landscape! When you’re lost, seeking higher ground offers a better vantage point to assist in determining the path to safety! This is no different.

Reminding ourselves who we truly are, that there is an answer and we just aren’t seeing it quite yet, and that we are strong and capable individuals, rather than continuing to believe the false narrative of powerlessness, can often energize us just enough to take a stand and begin digging again to find our inner strength, worth, and hope again (which BTW has always been there, we just forgot). Strength and hope can go a long way in helping to shift anything, but nothing changes until you first make the decision that you really are strong.

Remember your strength and who you are!

Love & Light,
Laura Lum Corby